Monday, June 21, 2010

Where I've been

I’ve always had an extremely healthy sexual appetite. I’ve always been comfortable in my sexuality and constantly encourage other people to embrace their own. I never thought I’d get to a point where sexual pleasure would just be something I could do without. Unfortunately that’s exactly what happened.

I had surgery on my uterus, ovaries and cervix earlier this year. I get a monthly Lupron injection now that causes menopausal like symptoms. I laughed when my Dr told me it could lower my sex drive. I told him there was no medicine on Earth that could even touch mine… I was wrong.

The last few months have been awful. I never have any energy, my vagina has turned into the Sahara, I have terrible hot flashes, I’m a total bitch to everyone around me and my sex drive is dead, RIP. Watching these changes happen, over the last few months, has been really hard. As I lost my sex drive, I became more and more embarrassed. I don’t know why, but my hormones were definitely not helping. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. I didn’t want to admit that this was happening to me. I know it seems crazy, but I felt crazy. I’m a 23 year old girl who has always been extremely sexual and now has very little interest in sex.

I have to use more and more lube because of this medicine. Wet has been a very important part of my infrequent masturbation sessions. God bless all the people who work for Wet.

I kept mentioning it to the Dr’s office. Who just kept saying this is what is supposed to happen. I was starting to get very depressed. 2 weeks ago, I called and yelled at a nurse and then started sobbing. I felt helpless. Finally someone listened; she called me in a prescription for Add Back Therapy on top of my injections. I’m still not myself, but it’s better than before. It’s wonderful to reclaim some of my sexual energy.

I’m sorry that I disappeared; I was a mess. I have missed this place and my sex reviewing friends. I’ve started masturbating more frequently. It’s nothing like before, but I have already enjoyed myself more in the last few weeks than in the months prior to this. I knew the easiest way to explain my absence would be with the truth. I am glad to be home.


Britni TheVadgeWig said...

I'm so glad that you found someone to listen to you and to help you. I changed medications a while back and it killed my sex drive and I felt like a totally different person. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but glad to see you writing again.


Sundae said...

With sexuality as such an important part of your identity it was no wonder that such a loss would be devastating, confusing and depressing and I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. Hopefully, in the coming months you can build back up what you lost and feel more comfortable will everything again. I wish you the best of luck. <3

Kristy Lynn said...

i was going to type this as soon as you put the entry up, but i was off to bed. :) so now i shall reply: you haven't lost your sex drive, and you never will. you'll be doing kama sutra in your old-lady walker with the oldie next door when you get admitted to a home. :)

this is just a challenge. now you have the opportunity to re-learn yourself and try out new things, as another facet of yourself. though it may not be exciting, it's going to be another path to explore, learn about and to talk about. there are lots of women out there who are going through these kinds of things and maybe you can post your way through a type of sexual recovery. i think it would be awesome and it would help you out too. i just did a post about a problem i have, and i'm glad to see re-tweeting because other people may be going through it too.

:) <3 i noticed that you weren't around and when you tweeted your newest blog, i was excited that you were back.

Luvasaurus said...

I appreciate all of your kind words more than you can ever know. Even after I finally wrote this entry, it took me another week to post it.

Sex is really important to me and I have felt really lost. I'm looking forward to working through it. <3